This Time, I am Committed

 

Little Gökçe was happily nursing while looking deep into her mother’s eyes. The cheerful "slurp slurp" sounds she made seemed to suggest that she wanted to extend this moment for as long as possible. She clung tightly to her mother’s chest. Gamze found her daughter's mannerisms very sweet and smiled, but at the same time, she thought that it might be time to stop breastfeeding. Little Gökçe had nursed enough from her mother and should now be ready to say goodbye to her mother’s breast.

Being a first-time mother, Gamze was a bit anxious about managing this process. Still, after a few days, she rolled up her sleeves. It was time to begin the transition that had been on her mind. As difficult as it seemed, tonight would be the night for a new beginning.

"This time, I’m determined. Tonight, I won’t nurse my little lamb to sleep. If I can at least break this habit during sleep, maybe it will make stopping breastfeeding easier."

Gamze first tried lying down with her daughter, holding her close to put her to sleep. Even with this small change, little Gökçe was already surprised and slightly anxious and had expressed her displeasure to her mother. Gamze, with all her compassion, tried to help her child adjust to this new phase. At the same time, a flood of thoughts swirled in her mind.

"Should I continue the nursing-to-sleep routine for a bit longer?"

"Maybe I should try putting her to sleep without nursing another night?"

"What if her resistance lasts too long?!"

Just as she was about to get lost in doubt, she snapped herself out of it.

"But she’ll have to get used to it somehow. She can’t fall asleep at my breast forever!"

This time, she tried to rock her to sleep while holding her. Again, Gökçe stubbornly wanted to drift into that sweet sleep while nursing. Gamze cuddled her, kissed her, and tried to soothe her. She tried singing a lullaby and walking around while holding her. Though little Gökçe would calm down occasionally, she still resisted, trying to return to her old habit. Gamze lay down with her daughter once more, then got up and tried again, repeating this process two or three times.

Yes, she had succeeded—little Gökçe finally fell asleep! After a few days of slight struggles, mother and daughter managed to adopt a new habit. Gökçe had learned to fall asleep happily while snuggling with her mother.

This experience made Gamze reflect deeply on how hard it can be to give up habits. She thought about her own habits that she struggled to let go of. She genuinely wanted to give them up, but somehow, she couldn’t.

A person can show so much resistance to change, even when the outcome would be in their favor.

"We resist so much, even in situations where our healing lies! In fact, nothing is impossible in this life. It turns out that it only seems that way when one isn’t determined enough!"

She continued to reflect on the process she had gone through. She thought about the events that unfolded after she made her initial decision.

"I said, 'The time has come; I want to end this breastfeeding phase,' and I took action. The first obstacle was my little lamb’s crying. For a moment, I thought about giving up, but then I remembered the necessity of this process and convinced myself that it needed to end. Then, I realized that even my obstacles started to adapt to me. My daughter began to adjust to the new situation!"

Gamze, like many of us, believed that she had made up her mind about giving up her habits. But in reality, what turns a desire into a decision is a person’s clarity about it. Our desires are not necessarily our decisions. Our desires are about the outcomes, while our decisions are about committing to pay the price for those outcomes.

A person who has made a decision has already considered the challenges, the price they’ll pay, and the effort they’ll have to put in and has accepted them. In fact, the person who decides has chosen not to offer themselves any alternative that would make them feel comfortable about backing out.

Gamze first thought of her baby. In those first nights when she stopped nursing, how much Gökçe protested. She cried, she tried all kinds of emotional appeals, doing everything she could to reach her mother’s breast. But as Gamze remained firm, her baby calmed down and had to adapt to her mother. Before long, they found their balance.

Now both Gamze and her baby were smiling again. It must be the same when giving up other habits. She then compared her own self-control to that of her baby’s. Indeed, they were quite similar. Just as Gamze had helped her baby adapt, she could help herself adapt too. If she approached her own habits the way she had handled her baby’s adjustment, she could achieve similar results.

The more firm she was after deciding to let go, the shorter the period of difficulty would be.

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                      Experiential Design Teachings and Decision-Making Themed Blog

Experiential Design Teachings aim to give purpose to a person's life.

To be happy and successful in life...

"Since the existence of humankind on Earth, the greatest friend and foe have never changed. The person in the mirror..." 

Yahya Hamurcu 

Who’s Who? The Art of Understanding People 
Mastery in Relationships 
The Psychology of Success
Mastery in Avoidance
Designer (Strategy Design)

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