If Only

 

While wiping away her tears in the darkness of the night, Canan walked quickly toward the bus stop. She had a heated argument with her fiancé, Ahmet, after a long evening of wedding shopping. Without considering the late hour, Ahmet had angrily thrown his ring away and left Canan standing in the middle of the street. Shocked by what had just happened, Canan barely noticed when the bus arrived as soon as she reached the stop. Finding an empty seat, she sat down, rested her head against the window, and tried to process the shock. The man she loved had abandoned her so easily over a simple argument.

Canan and Ahmet had met at work. Ahmet was the supervisor of the department where Canan started working. Every morning, his deep and commanding voice echoing through the office as he greeted, "Good morning, team!" had captivated Canan from the very first day. There was something about Ahmet that she found attractive but couldn’t quite define. Even though she rarely witnessed truly admirable behavior from him, she still found herself drawn to him. Day by day, her interest in him grew beyond her control. And of course, Ahmet was well aware of this attention...

One day, a major issue arose in the company’s production department. A conflict between the production manager and Ahmet led to a heated argument, and in a moment of anger, Ahmet quit his job, leaving the company in a critical period of need. Canan had witnessed everything. In fact, she had already seen Ahmet display questionable behavior before. But still, she was deeply saddened by his departure. Going to work no longer felt the same. One day, unable to hold back, she texted him, and that was how their relationship began.

Now, she was blaming herself, thinking, "If only I had never started this!" Every issue in their relationship had been resolved by the compromises she made. Yet, despite all her efforts, Ahmet had discarded everything they had in just five minutes.

Doesn’t everyone have countless "if only"s in life? Every sentence that begins with "if only" is an expression of regret:

"If only I hadn’t done that!"

"If only I hadn’t bought this!"

"If only I hadn’t said those words!"

"If only I had tried harder!"

But why do people do things they will regret later? How can we make better decisions from the start and avoid these "if only"s?

Desiring something—hungering for it and moving toward it—is a fundamental human instinct. Beyond basic needs such as clothing, shelter, food, and drink, humans also crave acceptance, admiration, and love. This hunger can be material or emotional. If kept in balance and pursued in moderation, having desires is not a problem. But when what we see as a need turns into an insatiable want—when it becomes a must-have—problems arise. At that point, our desires take control of us rather than the other way around. Like an uncontrollable speeding car, we eventually crash. And it is only after the crash that the "if only"s begin.

Starting a relationship with someone despite witnessing their flaws, simply because of attraction,

Making reckless expansion moves in business,

Overspending on luxury items for the home,

Claiming to work for one’s family while actually growing distant from them, ultimately damaging relationships...

In short, when balance is lost, regret inevitably follows.

So, how can people learn to control their desires and think clearly before making choices—before regret takes over their lives?

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                      Experiential Design Teachings and Decision-Making Themed Blog

Experiential Design Teachings aim to give purpose to a person's life.

To be happy and successful in life...

"Since the existence of humankind on Earth, the greatest friend and foe have never changed. The person in the mirror..." 

Yahya Hamurcu 

Who’s Who? The Art of Understanding People 
Mastery in Relationships 
The Psychology of Success
Mastery in Avoidance
Designer (Strategy Design)

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