Difficult Relationships

 

He had been thinking and thinking for days, but couldn't come to a solution. “I wish I were a cartoon character!” He said to himself, how easy life would be. A world where children joyfully watch and learn simple everyday lessons each week! The real world wasn't like that, it demanded you to make a choice. Akın was now on the eve of a decision; The decision that would shape his future... He would either try once more to resolve the problem with his manager by talking, or he would leave the job he loved and had dedicated years to.

Akın was an architect in one of the few restoration companies in Turkey. After graduation, he has grown up in this company and worked diligently for six years. For the past year he had been a project manager. They worked hard and overtime was common but he could overlook these things because he loved his job. He enjoyed working in this company, learning about the historical features of the buildings, and bringing these worn-out historical artifacts back to life.

As much as Akın loved his job, he had just as many problems with his manager. Their relationship hadn't always been this way. Things changed after the promotions… When the titles changed, the relationships that needed to be built also changed, but Akın struggled to navigate this dynamic. He had previously had limited contact and interaction with his manager Mr. Tanju. After becoming project manager, they began working more closely together. He got to know Tanju's meticulous and strict side more intimately.

While Akın was relaxed and flexible, Mr. Tanju was rule-based, meticulous and organized. For Mr. Tanju, it was the end of the world if a project was not completed before the deadline or the presentation files not meeting expectations. Akın, on the other hand, thought that life would not be so stressful. “What happens if a project is delivered 1-2 weeks late? What do we lose if the project’s files are incomplete and not in our archive?’’ he thought. Because until now, he had not taken responsibility for any problems caused by the late delivery of the project or the incomplete archives.

That's why they were constantly clashing with Mr. Tanju. The important thing for Akın was to do the job well and enjoy it, while Mr. Tanju focused on how organized, rule compliant and detailed the work was. "Whether you enjoy working on it or not, the job must be finished by the deadline," he would say. This spoiled Akın's enjoyment and made him disillusioned with his work.

Now it was time to make a decision: was there a way to manage this relationship, or was it time for a new beginning? How could one decide that? What if leaving was the wrong decision? What if it was an escape? He should have stayed then... But what if staying meant making himself unnecessarily unhappy? “Maybe I'm focusing in the wrong thing.” he thought. He was so obsessed with what Tanju was doing that he couldn't see himself. Yes, he was a difficult person, but difficult for whom? For Akın. However, according to his teammate in the project, Cemre, on the contrary, Tanju was a very comfortable person to work with due to his work discipline.

Akın was thinking, "If it's not a problem for Cemre, what was he missing?" There had to be a way to get along with Tanju, as dozens of people had been working under him for years. Then now was the time to put the needle in himself. It took some time, but Akın finally got it. Slowly began to notice the difference. "We both have different personality traits, so I can also see the positive aspects of Mr. Tanju" he said. He already felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

People's differences were actually their wealth. He hadn’t solved his problem yet, but with the peace of mind that came from realizing how to solve it, he fell into a deep sleep that he hadn't slept in a long time.

A person runs away, but in fact it is always himself that he runs away from. Mr. Tanju in this company becomes Ms. Selen in another. Because life tries to give a message through the people it sends to us. If a person doesn’t get the message he needs to receive, even if people change, things remain the same.

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                      Experiential Design Teachings and Decision-Making Themed Blog

Experiential Design Teachings aim to give purpose to a person's life.

To be happy and successful in life...

"Since the existence of humankind on Earth, the greatest friend and foe have never changed. The person in the mirror..." 

Yahya Hamurcu 

Who’s Who? The Art of Understanding People 
Mastery in Relationships 
The Psychology of Success
Mastery in Avoidance
Designer (Strategy Design)

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