Getting Bored Is Good

 

I’m going to talk about a scene familiar to mothers negotiating with their children in front of toy stores.

“Mom! Do I have a digger like this one? Please, let’s buy it, please!?” my son says, looking at me with the same adorable eyes as yours do. Even though I find it hard to resist those looks, I say, “Sweetheart, you already have so many diggers. We can’t buy this one too.” This time, he starts to cry, “But they’re old, I’m tired of them!”

He’s become so used to getting a new toy every time he visits his grandmother that the previous ones no longer hold any value. During each visit, he eagerly accepts the gifts handed to him. After playing with his new toy for about twenty minutes, he tosses it aside as if he wasn’t the one who had excitedly unwrapped those packages. Despite my many attempts to explain how challenging this situation is for me, my parents just don’t get it. “What can we do, dear? He’s our only grandchild, we can’t help it. He’s our first grandchild. They say grandchildren are sweeter than honey...” they reply, evading the issue. The other day, my father even scolded me. He had saved a pastry for the child, and how could I have eaten it!? And at one point, my brother, who overheard how my mother spoke to her grandchild, was quite shocked.

“Wow! I’ve been your son for forty years, and I never knew you had that tone of voice,” he texted me.

Honestly, I never imagined that raising my child in this cocoon of love and affection would be this difficult. How could I scold my parents for loving their grandchild? How could I hurt their feelings? On the other hand, as they kept saying “yes” to Ali’s every request, my role became that of the mother who constantly says “no,” who restricts, who raises her voice. Despite all my efforts, I couldn’t prevent my son from slowly turning into a spoiled child.

Last Saturday, I decided to take Ali with me to work. Since we left the house in a rush that morning, we forgot to bring Ali’s toys with us. By the time I remembered, it was too late. Clearly, a challenging day lay ahead of us. The first few hours at work went as I had expected. Ali kept whining in my ear, “Mom, I’m bored, let’s go somewhere else.” His demands, as if I had to attend to him every moment, never ended. Luckily, our kitchen assistant, Mrs. Türkan, invited Ali to play in the office kitchen for a while. Having no better option, Ali reluctantly accepted Mrs. Türkan’s invitation and left my room. When I didn’t hear from him for a full two hours, I got curious and headed to the kitchen to check on him. I watched him from a distance. Was this really my son? This was the same Ali who got bored with all kinds of colorful, attractive toys in just ten minutes. And now, he was playing “cooking” in the middle of the kitchen with a ladle and an empty pot. He turned to Mrs. Türkan and said, “Look! It’s done, but it’s very hot,” blowing on the empty ladle. He was so joyful, so focused on his imaginary meal… It was a scene that spoke volumes to me.

When did we start giving this being, who has the natural ability to turn everything into a toy, things that they don’t even need? Why did we keep buying new ones when we saw that he would get bored and not play with them the next day? And what happened to the grandfather who would fondly reminisce, “We didn’t know toys back in the day, dear. We made cars from wire, and we’d tie a broom and race, making dust fly”? Why does he now think his grandchild needs more?

Why do our children need to constantly have fun and laugh? But wasn’t it boredom that was our remedy as children?

How many games we invented with stones, sticks, all because we were bored. We played with shadows, made shapes from pieces of paper, made pencils talk out of boredom… What made us entertaining wasn’t our resources. We didn’t have many resources; we had boredom. Because what entertains a person is not the abundance of means but the ability to find joy. For a being that lacks this ability, no matter what kind of entertainment you give them, they will consume it and soon want something better. We have raised children who have scribbled on every page of their coloring books, who grew tired of their battery-operated cars in ten days, whose rooms are filled with toys, and who are constantly expecting to be entertained. Yet, when those same children gain the ability to turn anything into a game, they can find joy in any environment. In fact, children are born with this ability. You might remember when, as babies, they would play for hours with a spoon you gave them or set up games with a TV remote.

So, what happened after that?

Could it be that as they became more engaged with reality, we gave them artificial things?

Could we be diminishing their most precious treasure in this life—their ability to play—through our love and eagerness?

How much harm can a person do to their loved ones with good intentions, while thinking, “What toy should I get to make them happy?”

Taking away their ability to find joy while trying to make them happy…

Maybe, if we become curious about the differences between “Game” and “Toy,” “Fun” and “Entertainer,” “Boredom” and “Tedium,” we’ll have taken the first steps toward finding the right path.

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                      Experiential Design Teachings and Decision-Making Themed Blog

Experiential Design Teachings aim to give purpose to a person's life.

To be happy and successful in life...

"Since the existence of humankind on Earth, the greatest friend and foe have never changed. The person in the mirror..." 

Yahya Hamurcu 

Who’s Who? The Art of Understanding People 
Mastery in Relationships 
The Psychology of Success
Mastery in Avoidance
Designer (Strategy Design)

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